


Interview

by intangible_rice



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Caroline Appreciation Day, Gen, and caroline is scary, in which cave is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 13:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16995657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intangible_rice/pseuds/intangible_rice
Summary: Caroline applies for an open position at Aperture. (Another tumblr import from old.)





	Interview

Caroline shifted against the hard plastic of the uncomfortable waiting room chair. She would’ve been sore enough from the sheer length of time she’d been sitting, waiting her turn, but having to hunch over this questionnaire wasn’t helping either. She glanced around the crowded room and decided to be happy she’d gotten a chair at all, as several others were struggling to write their answers against the walls and tables.

On the other side of the room, a man was being escorted out by security, shouting something about chemical exposure from the chairs. _Raving lunatic_ , Caroline thought. She refocused her energy on the questions.

Caroline had applied for a few jobs here and there and knew that employers liked to interrogate. Usually there were some simple questions about life and family, the standard procedural ones about qualifications and work ethic, and a few “stunners” thrown in to see how a candidate would react to challenging situations. In this case, however, the questions were being asked before the interview even occurred, in the form of an application packet as large as a phone book. Seemingly every detail was requested, including ones Caroline wasn’t even sure she knew herself. When was the last time someone had asked for her blood type? 

There were plenty of science questions too, from the simple ones she could muster through from her fuzzy memories of high school chemistry, to more complex ones that made her head spin. She answered as many as she could, reasoning that a company as prestigious as Aperture had a right to scrutinize its applicants so thoroughly.

“103?” someone called.

It took Caroline a moment to realize that that was the number she’d been given when she walked in, deli-style. She supposed that with this many applicants, it would have been tiresome to wait for everyone to write down their names. She jumped up, thankful to be done with the waiting room seats, and followed the employee who’d called the number.

He led her through a seemingly labyrinthian series of hallways, each almost identical, sometimes appearing to double back on one another. The walls of each one were lined with workplace advisories, advertisements for Aperture products, and references to the success of the CEO, Cave Johnson. Caroline’s heart nearly skipped when she realized that the door they stopped in front of bore that very same name.

The door opened, and Caroline was escorted into an impressive, sprawling room lined with bookshelves and various pieces of art. The paintings ranged from more portraits of the CEO, to what seemed like a random hodgepodge of famous pieces. Caroline couldn’t tell if that was a sign of impressive taste or of pompousness.

Cave Johnson - _the_ Cave Johnson - beckoned her over to sit on the opposite side of his ornately-carved wooden desk. Caroline would have never dreamed of the CEO himself conducting the interviews for a position as simple as this one, but yet, here she found herself, within five feet of the genius visionary whose work had inspired her to drop everything for this chance.

“Good afternoon, sir,” she began. “I-”

“Application,” Cave cut her off gruffly. 

Caroline handed the large packet over, flustered. Was it not proper to speak before spoken to in this environment? She wrung her hands together in her lap, wondering if she’d blown it already.

She watched as the boss sifted through page after page, making no other communication with her besides an occasional grunt. Finally, she decided to try again.

“I would be honored to join the Aperture Science team, Mr. Johnson,” she attempted. “Your company is truly inspiring. I-”

“What’s this about?” Cave cut her off again. 

“…Sir?”

He held up Caroline’s application, open to a page that was blank except for the original questions typed onto it. “You’ve got about five blank pages in a row here, sweetheart.”

“Yes, Mr. Johnson,” Caroline replied, feeling ashamed. “While I excelled in my science classes in high school, I haven’t gotten the opportunity to pursue the subject at a higher level yet. Which is one of the reasons why I would love working here-”

“You expect me to hire someone with no training?” Cave asked bluntly.

“Well… sir, I’m applying for the secretarial position,” Caroline said, wondering if perhaps he just hadn’t realized which one she was interviewing for. “I’ve been at secretary school for a year, and you’ll see that my typing speeds are excellent. I’ve even gotten some training in accounting…”

“It’s _not_ a secretarial position, Miss….”

“Caroline.”

“Caroline. It’s an _assistant’s_ position,” Cave corrected. By now he’d gone back to flipping through the pages of her application, and didn’t even bother to look up at her as he spoke. “Yeah, you’ll have to do memos and bean counting and all of that crap, but you’re also gonna have to assist _me_. This is a _science_ company, and I’m gonna need someone who's a _scientist_ to do it.”

Caroline took a deep breath, knowing that she would never be able to take back a wrong word said here, but incapable of letting it rest, either. “Then why aren’t you advertising for _scientists?_ ” she asked.

Cave glared up at her and sighed. “Lab boys are just one kind of scientist. I need ‘em in other areas, too,” he explained. “You can’t be making decisions for an important company like this and not know anything about how our experiments work. It would be total disaster.”

Caroline squeezed her hands tighter together as she listened to the reprimand, uttered by someone who seemed like anything _but_ a scientist from his interviews in the local paper. She found herself wondering just how much of that questionnaire the CEO himself would have been able to answer.

“Sir, if you’ll just look at my references, you’ll see what a fast learner and a hard worker I am…”

“I don’t care if you can learn it tomorrow. I need someone who knows it now,” Cave sniped, head down in the paperwork again. “I’m already dealing with enough idiots.”

He gestured towards the side of the room, where Caroline noticed for the first time that a huge stack of the questionnaires had been piled haphazardly, almost as if they’d been tossed aside. She gulped.

“Come back when you have a degree in physics,” Cave advised.

“But that’s ridiculous!” Caroline protested.

“Enough,” he cut her off. “I’m a busy man. I don’t have time for nonsense.”

Caroline couldn’t believe it. She knew she didn’t have the most experience, but she’d thought that with her work record, she’d be able to come off as impressive in her interview. This place was her dream job. A way to reconcile the subjects she’d loved as a kid with the work she’d been forced into as a woman. She’d left secretary school early for this. She’d dipped into her pitiful savings account for a bus ticket out here. And now her dream was going to end before she could even get a word in.

Though broken inside, she straightened her back as she stood up, vowing to soldier on. “Thank you for your time, sir,” she said, barely hiding the spite in her voice.

Cave merely grunted in response, absentmindedly skimming over her impeccable handwriting as she walked out. “Bring in the next one,” he called to the employee in the hall as the man began escorting Caroline back to the lobby.

He was about to close the packet and toss it onto the pile with the others when something caught his eye.

Cave read again over the questions he’d taken so long to perfect. The questions it seemed that no one but him appreciated the subtlety and importance of.

_#127-c) If a catastrophic safety event occurs in a testing chamber, what do you focus on saving?_

_a) The employees  
b) The test subjects_

There was an “x” scrawled over the multiple choice options on the page. Underneath them, Caroline’s elegant cursive had written: _The data_.

Cave looked back up at the door, feeling his blood run cold. A new applicant stood there now. “Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson…” he began droning. Cave sprang to his feet.

“I think I’d make a great addition to your company…” The man held out his hand as he talked, expecting a handshake from the CEO who was now fast approaching him.

Instead, Cave shoved the man out of the way, barreling out the door and sprinting down the hall after her.


End file.
